i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
