I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
