Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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