I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize