I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
im on a boat
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