you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
