I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
