OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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