last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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