Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
