well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
