Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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