why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
