im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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