I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
one might say we're banned from that church
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
