Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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