living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
