I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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