11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
