At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
