areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
