Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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