With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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