shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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