is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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