need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish I only lived at night.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
