so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
