Just cropdusted the office
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Enjoy the penises
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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