you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
