I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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