So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
