Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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