oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
