if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
