Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
