when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize