just tell him i said nine months
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
