so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
