Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
