pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
