Swine flu. Run for my life!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
