I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
