Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
