I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have tasted many bathrooms
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
