Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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