She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
