The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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