So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
