Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
