I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
