I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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