I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
