i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
