Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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