i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
