Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my shit smells like andre
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
