At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
