Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize