Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
