He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
