also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ketchup is God's man juice
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
