she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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