I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
