11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
