i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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