Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
