i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
