and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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